Tuesday, 1 April 2014

Lunch with Darling, Scooter Mums and Bye Bye Deaf Dugs


Monday

A surprise luncheon with Alas-tair Darling. No, don‘t worry. I‘ve not been re-programmed as a Better Together bot. This was an event for hacks and hangers-on, or “Mr Andrews‘ Guest“ as my place card read.

I sort of enjoyed hearing the ex-chancellor’s line in banter and Nat-bashing, as it confirmed to me the doom and gloom at the heart of the No campaign. At one point the owner of the most famous eyebrows in politics said a Yes vote would result in an economic disaster more profound than Thatcher’s demolition of heavy industry. What a muppet.

Speaking of which, remind me to have words with Kermit. He’s gone a bit Robin Harper.

Monday ends on a high note, or rather a high child. The Bairn is buzzing after eating five illicit Tunnock’s tea cakes. To be fair, they are mostly air and in our house an unguarded chocolate biscuit is basically asking for it.

Tuesday

The best thing about cycling to work through leafy Joppa and Portobello around 9am is seeing mums scootering back from school drop offs on their kids‘ toys. Why is it never dads? Anyway, these Scooter Mums look happy if knackered. A parental equilibrium.

Wednesday

The chaos of Friday pick up is the focus of a plan by Wife-features. A reward chat is drawn up, with the promise of batteries for the Bairn’s camera and a temporary tattoo if she gets ready promptly in the morning, eats her tea and doesn‘t make a fuss on Fridays when leaving her friend‘s house. The Bairn whoops at the thought. Will she meet the required standards? We’ll see…

Thursday

A friend shares footage from Russia Today. It's always interesting to learn how other see us. The TV reporter points to a map of Europe with Scotland included in what he calls "hotbeds of separatism flaring up". I blame the small Yes badge I dare to wear on my cagoule.

Friday

The reward chart worked! The Bairn is extracted from New Best Friend’s with ease. Batteries and tattoos here we come!

Saturday

To the Pans! Green newsletters are distributed first thing to sleepy citizens. A thick haar envelopes the Cockenzie power plant towers, turning the sleepy atmosphere spooky. Back in the Honest Toun there’s a sense of sadness as it’s the last day of trading for the Hearing Dogs for the Deaf charity shop. The Bairn bags some books and we say good bye with a wee sniff.

Sunday

The marketing men say it’s Mother’s Day so Wife-features gets to set the agenda. We head for the Botanics and spend the day sauntering around the gardens, playing in the park next door and rummaging in the well-heeled charity shops of Stockbridge. I’ve never seen so much thick-gauge corduroy. We also pick up a DVD of Camberwick Green. Kermit the Frog may have allegedly come out for a No vote but I bet the entrepreneurial Windy Miller’s a firm Yes…

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